In early 2016 I felt like my life was over. I had been battling with divorce, my ex-wife making allegations against me, social services making allegations, allegations leading to arrest, lost a respectable job, battled with anxiety, PTSD and then the church and the woman I had been seeing turned on me. I had been far from perfect until this point though; I had become dependent on sex and alcohol and lost trust in the world. I felt that everyone was against me and with the prospect of losing everything with a number of allegations against me and losing my two girls forever I decided one night that my life wasn’t worth living anymore.
I had already had an experience of God, I had been healed of anxiety through a night with Sound of Wales which really ministered to me. I had been healed of PTSD, something that people said could never happen but God did it in me. I had managed to stop the drinking thanks to the words from God of ‘Trust me’ whilst on the bathroom floor and crying out to Him but on this night I experienced another encounter from God.
I had laid out on my table photos of all the things that meant so much to me, my girls, my family, my friends, and my Bible. I had been to Asda and bought a large amount of alcohol and was ready with all the pills I had to do the deed. This was to be my last night on earth. At the 11th hour though there was a ring at my doorbell. What made me answer it I can only put down to God, but at the door was Andrew, a friend who had known a bit of what I was going through but was not aware of how bad things had got or indeed what was going to happen that night. When he came in he recognised exactly was about to happen and I always remember him saying ‘I felt God say I had to come and see you’. Andrew then offered for me to come and stay with him and Adele for a few days to think about my life and to get away from everything. Again what made me accept I cannot say except for the love and warmth that Andrew and Adele, when I got to theirs, offered me.
God was starting to do something amazing in my life again. However this time He did it through a dog. Jester was a special companion. Whilst staying with Andrew and Adele they had to go out. I decided to take Jester out for a walk or shall I say Jester decided to take me for a walk. Jester led me through country lanes which I honestly had no idea where I was going. However I thought this was a regular walk for Jester and went with it. We ended up at a church. It was then that things hit me and God spoke to me in a very clear way. Jester took me to a grave stone that affected me in such a way that I knew I had to sort myself out and that I couldn’t take my own life because of what I would be leaving behind. Things might have seemed bleak but it was going to improve. Jester then led me home. Something had changed in me from that walk and when Andrew and Adele arrived home I told them what had happened. They were amazed because Jester had only occasionally been to that church and had never been for a walk in that direction. As well as that, the church was where their son was buried. It was from this experience that I was able to refocus my life and start to rebuild my life and my faith. I am so grateful to Andrew for hearing God’s voice on that evening, Adele for taking me in and Jester for leading me to a place that helped me refocus. The bottom line is that God can work through any means because God is more powerful than we can ever imagine. It is thanks to this moment that I have moved on in my life. Allegations were all cleared up, I met an amazing Christian woman who became my wife and I now am doing God’s work in an amazing part of the world. I might not see my two young girls but I have hope that one day the relationship will be restored because my God is bigger than any situation.